My guardian angel…
With colors swirling this way and that.  I feel the emotion contained within the painting.  I feel the love, the hope, the faith.

I know the desire to be heard.
The desire to be felt.
The desire to be known.

                                     . . . do you?

                        My protector, guardian…
A crown of light,
Hand closed in love.
Feel the faith
And dive deep into the unknown.
Above,
The angels sing.
Below,
I am standing.
Stained, I am covered with imperfections. 
Shine your grace upon me.
                       Make me perfect…

I know I am not perfect, and I will never be.

I am who I am.
            I am Mescaline.
            Me.

I am…
             Calina Winter.

The boy I love has left me, but I will love again someday.

Healed by the rays of the sun and protected by the darkened night sky, I shine like the moon.  I am moonlight.  I am who I will be.

Someday, I will be who I want to be.

Look upon the painting and see,
The image that helped me find myself.

                                                            This is who I am.

My mother gave me something the other day.

it was a painting...

i told him
and he ran...

without a word, he left.

how does he feel?  what are his emotions?

love?  hate?  hope? 

regret...

i wish i had never told him.  i wish he never knew.  i wish everything would just go back to the way it was.  the way it could have been.  anything else, i don't care.  i just don't want to be where i am.  with nothing... 

i painted yesterday.  an image i never thought i knew.

it's beautiful...

Something I had never even thought about before.  It just came out.  Filled with thought, voice, faith, belief, hope, regret, fear, terror, and love. 
it was covered with love. 
Painted with every color of the rainbow.
And completely drenched in red.  The color of pain and the color of love.

and trust me...

 ... Love Hurts...

. . . should I tell him?

. . . i think i love him

Every time I see him I can't believe everything is real.  I can't believe I'm awake and not dreaming.  I can't believe I'm not dead and not in heaven. 
                 It takes me a while to know that he is real.

He is . . . 

beautiful
wonderful
gorgeous
perfect

. . . and everything else I just can't put into words

It's weird, you know.  I've been friends with him for forever, and now it is something  more. 
Should I tell him?  Should I just go about my normal business and ignore this heart breaking emotion?  Ignore the love?

Nevermind.  I don't think I love him anymore.  I know I love him.

i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him . . .

. . . i wonder if he feels the same way